Manchester United 3 West Ham 0
Managed to find a Hobgoblin pub in Gloucester Road, Bristol, after the Rovers game to witness the demise of the Hammers. The jukebox was playing rolling Beatles songs, starting off with, appropriately enough, Don't Let Me Down, followed by Get Back (hopefully not to the Championship).
It's another bizarre team selection from Grant. Hitzlsperger is injured and Obinna has presumably signed too late to play, but he still ignores new signings Barrera, Piquionne, Ben Haim and Reid. What's the point of buying £8 million worth of talent and not playing them?
Spector, Faubert, Dyer, Boa Morte and even Danny Gabbidon have all been found wanting through poor form and injury, yet Igor the Butler seems to be trying to build a team around them.
Cole is completely isolated up front and looks despondent throughout. Faubert gets a few crosses in to the feet of Man United players and Dyer hits the side netting. We hold out for half an hour and Robert Green makes a great save to tip Nani's shot onto the post. But then 90-year-old Ryan Giggs strolls past Spector and is brought down by the haplass Specs for a penalty. Rooney sends Green the wrong way for 1-0. Mystic Matt sends a text reading: "Spector utterly useless wherever and whenever he plays".
It's over early in the second half when Nani cuts inside to score a second. The juke box plays The Long and Winding Road, possibly referring to our season, and then Let It Be.
Grant does nothing when he should have made substitutions at half time. We're not going to get anything from the game without scoring so why not bring on another striker? We always lose when we set out to keep the score down so what is the point with persisting with such tactics? Let's adhere to the West Ham tradition and at least have a go.
All I can do is drink another pint of Hobgoblin and despair as Bristolian Mancs cheer on the Red Devils. It's not until 75 minutes that Grant brings on Barrera and finally Piquionne, way too late. Dyer clips the outside of a post as United ease off a little, but Berbatov finishes the game with a gymnastic volley while unmarked in the box. We almost score a consolation, but Parker skews wide.
The only good thing to come out of the game is that Gabbidon and Upson have decent games in defence, Ilunga looks better and Green makes several fine saves. The rest of the side looks a relegation waiting to happen.
Finally the jukebox stops playing Beatles songs and instead we have the White Stripes' I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself. How true.
We need changes for the Chelsea game and some ambition up front and, as ever, a right-back. There must be an answer Avram G, please don't let it be.
Almost Educating Joey Essex
4 days ago