This season I have had relationships with 11 men in East London. Recently I have associated with pornographers, purveyors of saucy underwear and a woman who says in her Sun column that Avram Grant’s face “looks world-weary enough to have been beaten all day with heavy-duty dildos”.
What I did was unacceptable. I hurt my wife, my kids, my wife's family, my friends, my foundation and kids all around the world who admired me.
I am the only person to blame. I knew my actions were wrong but I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply and that West Ham were too good to go down. I never thought about who I was hurting, instead I thought only about myself.
I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me, even at £48 for an away trip to Arsenal. I felt I was entitled, and thanks to the District line, I didn't have to go far to find them.
I was wrong and I was foolish.
I've had a lot of time to think about what I've done. My failures have made me look at myself in a way I've never wanted to before. It's now up to me to make amends. And that starts by never repeating the mistakes I've made.
It's up to me to start living a life of integrity. It's hard to admit that I need help but I do.
For 45 days from the end of December to early February I was in in-patient therapy receiving guidance for the West Ham issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. I have taken my first steps in the right direction.
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